Wait a minute...
I think I got tricked. I've always considered myself a nice
guy. I mean, in public I act as goofy as anyone, but I am a considerate individual
(provided you haven't pissed me off). I treat people with respect. I observe
the traditional rules of dealing with the women folk. I'd be the chump
guy opening the car door, doing all the sappy stuff. That is of course assuming
the recipient of said treatment proved worthy. I try at least, and I think
I'm pretty creative about it, too.
As it turns out, being nice is wrong! In fact...it's like a disease!
Go ahead, search for "nice guy syndrome" on the internet.
So let's summarize this: Women want a man who can be sensitive and understand them. BUT...he must pretend that he is not/cannot. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but ok. Look at the average dumb girl and her douche of a ricer driving boyfriend. Congratulations, dumb girls, he is faking it and you are eating it right up. Guess we don't have to worry about sufficient population growth. *Whew*
Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually complaining. I'm a little surprised, but it's actually liberating! As it turns out, I'm a plaid wearing, beef jerky eating, nature killing machine! It doesn't get much manlier than that, damnit. And as another plus, the next girl that tells me she thinks of me as a friend will be getting treated like one. And guys know, that is a world of difference. Yea, think about how you treat your friends. You pose them in odd positions and write stuff on them when they pass out, then take a picture to put on the internet.
Yea girls, you might want to rethink that one. Lord help you all.
In any case, it means we can all make jackasses of ourselves in general, because being nice is actually a FLAW! Ohhhh HO! How could we have known? So, I would like to go ahead and apologize for all the women I've been nice to. It must have been really really akward for you. On second thought, screw that. If we're just friends, I don't care if it was akward for you, in fact that makes it funnier. Reference that picture above one more time. Yea, it makes sense.
In any case, I'll be working to correct this obvious behavioral issue as quickly as possible. Prepare yourselves, you're about to get punched in the tits. If you want special treatment again, let me know. I can wait. In the meantime I'll do my thing, and you can expect to be treated as the equal you think you want to be. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatever.
*Edit*
A couple people have asked me if this was due to being blown off by a girl or something recently. Nope. Although it's happened in the past, and I'm sure it will happen again... this was just intended to be humorous. No real context other than the incidental discovery of the articles on the "disease" above.
*/Edit*