Halloween
It should always be October
The more I think about it, the more I love October. There is the machinegun shoot, endless german festivals and of course the greatest holiday of the year: Halloween.
Now, there are people that will argue that it isn't the greatest holiday. They might even go so far as to call it evil. Well, they can go suck a big floppy crucifix. How many other holidays demand that you act poorly? How many other holidays are so ripe with reward for doing it? I mean sure, you could claim that fat tuesday down in New Orleans is better... but that isn't really a holiday. That's a bunch of drunk bitches taking their shirts off for beads like they're going to be able to go trade them for land later. Guess what, we've already looted the indians.
However, there IS something else we can steal: the innocence of children. And guess what, every year there are fresh ones! This may in fact have something to do with one of the passtimes of the inferior celebration described above. It doesn't matter... the point is that tricking children is easy. Also, exploiting the fact that some even grown folks are askeered of clowns never gets old.
Think of it as a giant sociological experiment into people's biggest fears and the limits of their comfort zones... THAT INVOLVES BOATLOADS OF CANDY. As if making people poop in their pants isn't reward enough, you get to kick back with a beer and a frickin' snickers bar.
I mean, if you aren't out terrorizing people you're actually failing.
You don't have to buy anyone presents. You don't have to pretend to like the presents other people buy you. Cooking is limited to dialing a phone and having a pizza delivered. It doesn't require killing a tree then bringing it into your home to create a giant sparkly fire hazard. You aren't hiding eggs in the goddamned grass that some Ethiopian would give his shiniest gourd for. You can be as politically incorrect as you want people will laugh. You can chase a kid for 4 blocks waving a cow liver yelling gibberish and the neighbors will cheer you on instead of calling the cops.
I could go on for hours. I can defeat any argument to the contrary.
As Chris states ever so perfectly in that video, "Mmmm, the tears of children". I love the parents that trick their own kids into going in. I think of it as them getting their revenge for... well... I guess everything kids do deserves some sort of retribution.
There are people that love Christmas so much that they have little things in July. Screw that. Jesus was born once... but people die all the time. If we're going to celebrate a holiday twice a year, it should be Halloween.